the patterns of your mind

old luce. what more is there to say? after i read about this character, it opened my eyes to a struggle that holden has had throughout the novel -- it took luce to make this struggle evident. when holden met up with luce at the wicker bar, i think he was excited to visit a little of his past, especially after the sour ending to his date with sally. the reason i think holden wanted to meet with luce, was because luce was a guy that holden looked up to, even though he fails to admit it. he got advice from him and could connect to him (not in a flitty way, of course!), so the visit was a way that holden could prove to himself that his past was still his present because of his fear of growing up. at first, holden tried to connect with luce by making jokes about his sex life, because that's what they would talk about when holden attended the whooton school - but, this didn't work too well as holden was shut down by luce's blunt remarks. after these conversation starters failed to initiate an actual conversation, i think holden began to change his views about luce. before, he did look up to him and saw him as a very intellectual man. now, this guy didn't want to talk about girls because he'd matured and wasn't interested in having intellectual conversations with holden. plus, holden became annoyed when luce suggested that he see a psychoanalyst because it seems as if he thinks that going to a person to figure out your own problems are useless. why would you want an analyst, who would be analyzing you based on society's norms, to evaluate whether you're sane or not? anyhow, i think that the reason holden got so drunk after his meeting with luce was because he realized that people grow up. holden isn't going to get out of it - and that's the symbolic meaning luce plays. if a guy like luce, who was just like holden in the past, matures the way he did, then there's no way the same won't happen to holden. that thought scared holden, and as i read further, i figured out that my prediction was right - holden is scared of becoming a phony. he doesn't want to be like society, but because of all the people he's encountered, it seems like the only way to live in this world is to become like them. holden's fears are extremely evident in this passage:

"even if you did go around saving innocent guys' lives and all, how would you know if you did it because you really wanted to save guys' lives, or because you did it because what you really wanted to do was be a terrific lawyer, with everybody slapping you on the back and congratulating you in court when the goddam trial was over, the reporters and everybody, the way it is in the dirty movies? how would you know you weren't being a phony? the trouble is, you wouldn't."

- holden pg. 172

is marriage a lie?

this is my poem for class written in holden's point of view. the red font shows holden's direct quotes from the book (minus the title, of course).

is marriage a lie?

i felt like marrying her the minute i saw her,
wind in her hair like an effortless angel,
her figure adorned with deathly black,
almost tempting me - but is it she that i prefer?
it was a lie of course.

should i follow her? would i be dumb?
she had one of these very loud and embarrassing voices,
i didn't give a damn though,
i'm crazy - i swear to god i am,
all of a sudden i felt like i wanted to marry her,
she was so damn good-looking,
it was a lie of course.

would marriage be sane? correct? normal? perhaps lovely?
lovely my ass.
can a commitment like that last forever?
it starts out when they're young and all,
doubt it grows or ages and doubt love is really true,
i told her i loved her and all,
it was lie of course.

is life planned? map? contract? perhaps destined?
yes; being with someone is the right thing to do,
open your ears - vows tying us down,
making a lot of dough,
stupid shorts and coming attractions,
newsreels and madison avenue buses,
dumb horse races - all those things.

it'd be entirely different - we could have a terrific time!
"c'mon! wuddaya say?" out in the world! the two of us!
i was getting excited as hell,
"don't you want to go with me?"
spur of the moment yet felt right. sane. correct.
i have to admit it - god i'm a madman,
i meant it when i asked her,
it was lie of course.